There are lots of ways to look at conversations and discussions. One way is to categorize conversations as being either "good faith" conversations, or "bad faith" conversations. What we want to do is be party to the former, and try to avoid the latter, since bad faith conversations are the ones that cause bad feelings, frustration and anger, and don't tend to be useful in solving problems.
A good faith conversation occurs when both people act in ways that move the conversation to solving the problem being discussed, with a sincere desire to address THAT problem, and not other things. For example, in a conversation about taking out the garbage, a couple might work to decide who's responsibility it is, and how to make sure it gets done. Good faith conversations involve good listening, asking questions, and a legitimate desire to work together and not control or coerce the other person.
A bad faith conversation might include statements like "You never take out the garbage", or "Why are you dumping all this on me". Notice that these aren't really linked to the issue of the CURRENT garbage issue but to other underlying issues and feelings. Those underlying issues might be very important, but they are a different conversation.
By knowing when the other person is using techniques that suggest there's a hidden agenda, or bad faith conversation, you can burrow underneath these "conversational cons" to get at what's really going on. Sometimes the person is lying, or hiding something. Other times, the person is sidetracking the conversation out of discomfort, fear or other hidden reasons.
And of course, conversational con indicators suggest the other person is lying.
What's In This LearnBytes Helpcard About Dishonesty and Hidden Agendas In Relationships?
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