Ineffective Habits – Barriers To Listening

…continued. View part I of Eight Bad Habits That Impede Listening

Listening Only For Facts

Effective communication is based on understanding both the factual content of what someone is saying, AND understanding the emotions, subtle meanings and attitudes of the other person. We often forget that. Often we focus on, and try to remember the facts embedded in communication and ignore some of the more subtle aspects of where the other person is coming from. When we do that we miss too much.

Letting Emotion-Laden Words Arouse Personal Antagonism

All of us have “hot buttons”, or phrases and words that evoke an emotional, often negative emotion that we attach to the other person, and the content of the other person’s speech. When we hear hot phrases or hot words we stop listening and focus on our emotional reactions, which stops our ability to understand another person.

Wasting The Advantage of Thought_Speed Over Speech-Speed

We can think much faster than we (or others) can talk. According to William Brooks, in Speech Communication, the average speaking speed is about 125 words per minute, but our brains can process words far faster — perhaps as high as 1,200 words per minute. So what happens? So we use this excess capacity to think about other things while the other person is speaking, and unfortunately, this results in not paying attention and missing out.

Judging

We have a tendency to judge, and evaluate what other people are saying. Critical thinking and reflection are important, but when they occur while we should be listening, we tend to gate out what the other person is saying. The general rule to follow is:

First seek to understand before judging or composing your response