Person centered communication is just one of many communication techniques that makes conversations volatile and unpleasant.
When you discuss a topic with someone, you can talk about the topic or issue (which is good), or you can talk about the other person’s actions or behavior. When you shift from talking about the topic to talking about the person, you are engaging in person centered comments that are often negative, and very often, the shift will cause even the most reasonable discussion to degenerate into bitter argument.
For example, if you and your spouse are talking about who should take out the garbage this evening, and you say, “You never take out the garbage”, you’ve shifted the conversation from a simple one that’s not got a lot of “heat”, to a conversation that is going to be unpleasant. That’s an example of a person centered comment that creates additional comment.
- Most person centered conflicts start with, or focus on the word “You”, as in:
- You aren’t listening
- You don’t know what you are talking about
- Who are you to tell me…
By reducing your use of person centered conflict in discussions, both at home and at work, you’ll get along better with your family members and colleagues and boss.
